Show your parents you deserve the opportunity to THINK FOR YOURSELF. Be proactive, approach them and talk with them about what you see at school and with your friends. Ask them what they said and did in risky situations when they were your age. Ask them what they think you should do, and ask them for real, honest answers. Situations where drugs are present and are made readily available to you are not easily avoided altogether. Having a game plan beforehand will keep you in control and confident about where you stand.

You should be honest with your parents and expect their honesty in return. If you ask your parents what they did at your age, whether or not they experimented with drugs, alcohol or tobacco, be prepared to hear that they did. They may have been down that road and learned the hard way that it’s not the right choice. Their role is to help you keep from making the same mistakes they did. Don’t judge them or use their choices in their youth (or even their adulthood) as an excuse for your behavior or choices. And don’t think that because they made bad choices in the past, that it makes them hypocritical or unqualified to expect certain things of you. We all learn from our mistakes, and it’s their job as a parent not to turn a blind eye and watch you repeat their mistakes. Put yourself in their shoes, especially when you realize you’re asking them to do the same.

Are you struggling with a parent who abuses drugs?

When parents use drugs and/or alcohol, it’s natural for their kids to feel lonely, afraid or experience many different and confusing feelings all at once. Sometimes a youth may think that they are the only person whose family has these problems. There are many families where parents have substance abuse problems, and many kids who feel exactly the same way. Here are some facts to help understand a parent’s drug and/or alcohol abuse:

Substance abuse is a disease. A parent who abuses drugs and/or alcohol is not a bad person, but when they abuse drugs and alcohol, they lose control and may say and do things they normally wouldn’t.

A child cannot control their parent’s drinking or drug use. A child is not the reason why a parent drinks too much or uses drugs and the child does not cause their disease. Children shouldn’t try to hide the drugs or alcohol.

Children of substance abusing parents are not alone. There are many children whose parents have substance abuse problems. Research in the United States shows that there are more than 28 million American children affected by parental alcohol and/or drug addiction.

Children can talk about the problem. Children should find someone they trust to talk to. This person might be a teacher, a friend’s parent, a relative, a school counselor or someone else who will listen to them. Children should remember that sharing feelings is not being mean or disloyal to their family, and talking to someone can help them feel less alone.

The National Center for Children of Alcoholics has developed the 7 C’s to remind youth that their parent’s drug and alcohol abuse is not their fault.

You didn’t cause it.
You can’t cure it.
You can’t control it.
You can care for yourself
by communicating your feelings,
making healthy choices and
by celebrating yourself.

It is important to remember to have fun. Oftentimes, kids who live in families where substance abuse is a problem forget how to be “just a kid.” Keeping busy by getting involved in school activities, sports, clubs or anything fun will help take a child’s mind away from problems at home.

If you are a child and need to talk to someone about a family member’s drinking and/or drug abuse you can call the National Youth Crisis Hotline at 1-800-448-4663. This call is free. Another place to get information is online at www.alateen.org. This web site is specially designed for children and teenagers whose lives have been affected by someone else’s substance abuse.